Male readers at MarsVenus.com often complain: "I don't understand my wife (or girlfriend). For weeks, she is wonderful and loving, and gives unconditionally to me, and everyone around her. Then suddenly, in the blink of an eye, she switches and everything is wrong. She becomes easily overwhelmed, insecure and disapproves of almost everything I do. I try to be supportive, but nothing I do seems to make it better. It's like she doesn't want my help. Even though it's not my fault, we have terrible fights. What am I supposed to do?"
A woman's self-esteem rises and falls like a wave. When a woman's wave rises, she feels as though she has an abundance of love to give. When it crashes down she feels her inner emptiness and needs to be filled up with love.
This type of bottoming out is a time for emotional housekeeping.
As a woman goes down into the well, she may suddenly experience a host of unexplained emotions and vague feelings. She may feel hopeless, overwhelmed, insecure, resentful, mistrustful, worried -- she may think she is alone or unsupported.
If she has suppressed any negative feelings or denied herself in order to be more loving on the upswing of her wave, then on the downswing she will begin to experience these negative feelings and unfulfilled needs. During this "down time," she especially needs to talk about problems and be heard and understood.
When a woman goes into her well, her deepest issues tend to surface. These issues may have to do with her relationship, but usually they are heavily charged from her past relationships and childhood. Whatever remains to be healed or resolved from her past inevitably will come up.
1- A man's love and support cannot instantly resolve a woman's issues.
Your love, however, can make it safe for her to go deeper into the well. You can expect her issues to come up again and again. Each time, however, you will get better at supporting her.
Remember that it's not your fault, and find out how to deal with it..
2- When a woman goes into her well, it is not a man's fault.
In other words, you cannot -- and should not -- try to prevent it from happening.
3- A woman has the ability to rise up after she has hit rock bottom.
A man does not have to fix her. She is not broken but simply needs your love, patience and understanding. Give her only what she needs at this point.
When negative feelings are suppressed, positive feelings become suppressed as well, and love dies as a result.
Without this emotional catharsis, a woman slowly loses her ability to love and to grow in love. If her wave nature is obstructed, she gradually becomes hardhearted and passionless.
Taking an occasional dip into the well is a natural, healthy process for a woman, and she will ultimately be happier in the relationship for having your support when she goes there.
make sense of it all
It's true that a woman's mood can change on a dime. This emotional roller coaster may leave you feeling dazed and confused. The good news is that you can learn to respond in an appropriate and positive manner that is truly a gift to your partner when she is upset.A woman's self-esteem rises and falls like a wave. When a woman's wave rises, she feels as though she has an abundance of love to give. When it crashes down she feels her inner emptiness and needs to be filled up with love.
the woman's fall
For a woman, this experience of crashing down is like falling into a deep, dark well. And when a woman goes into her "well," she is sinking into her unconscious self, into darkness and diffused feeling.This type of bottoming out is a time for emotional housekeeping.
As a woman goes down into the well, she may suddenly experience a host of unexplained emotions and vague feelings. She may feel hopeless, overwhelmed, insecure, resentful, mistrustful, worried -- she may think she is alone or unsupported.
If she has suppressed any negative feelings or denied herself in order to be more loving on the upswing of her wave, then on the downswing she will begin to experience these negative feelings and unfulfilled needs. During this "down time," she especially needs to talk about problems and be heard and understood.
When a woman goes into her well, her deepest issues tend to surface. These issues may have to do with her relationship, but usually they are heavily charged from her past relationships and childhood. Whatever remains to be healed or resolved from her past inevitably will come up.
understand the well
Here are three important concepts men must know to understand "the well":1- A man's love and support cannot instantly resolve a woman's issues.
Your love, however, can make it safe for her to go deeper into the well. You can expect her issues to come up again and again. Each time, however, you will get better at supporting her.
Remember that it's not your fault, and find out how to deal with it..
2- When a woman goes into her well, it is not a man's fault.
In other words, you cannot -- and should not -- try to prevent it from happening.
3- A woman has the ability to rise up after she has hit rock bottom.
A man does not have to fix her. She is not broken but simply needs your love, patience and understanding. Give her only what she needs at this point.
expect it, and deal with it
It is essential that a woman feel safe going into the well; otherwise, she will suppress her negative feelings. Her only alternative to the well is to avoid intimacy or to numb her feelings through addictions like drinking, overeating, overworking, or over-care taking.When negative feelings are suppressed, positive feelings become suppressed as well, and love dies as a result.
Without this emotional catharsis, a woman slowly loses her ability to love and to grow in love. If her wave nature is obstructed, she gradually becomes hardhearted and passionless.
be there for her
If a woman is not fully supported when she has these normal unhappy times, she will be unable to be truly happy. So, instead of taking this downward spiral personally, understand that women simply need some "bottoming out" time to release, heal, and purify the emotions.Taking an occasional dip into the well is a natural, healthy process for a woman, and she will ultimately be happier in the relationship for having your support when she goes there.
