I am starting chemo again in a week. I am so anxious. I am so afraid of how it’s going to be. All of a sudden everything that I went thru last time is now so fresh in my mind. They were distant memories and now I feel like it happened yesterday. At least last time I was blissfully unaware of what to expect. Now I know! How am I going to be able to deal with it again? Will I?
I tell everyone how it will be OK, how I will try to work thru it this time(I have too, money is tight)and so on but I fail to convince myself. I wish someone would hold me,hug and rock me, tell me that I don’t have to worry about anything so I could let go and just cry.
I will be here much often, as I’ll need tones of practical advice.
This world can be such a tiring, complicated place sometimes. God I know that I am not one of the ones that are worthy of your attention but please take pity on all of us and help us thru! And if you don’t, I understand, we don’t need you as much as others do, we have a roof, food and someone that loves us. But still it’s scary.
